The Five Main Virtues of the Medieval Gentleman, qualities that he cultivated to win the heart of his Lady, were: 1) Temperance, 2) Courage, 3) Love, 4) Loyalty, and 5) Courtesy. Add being good at giving head, and you have the Six Main Virtues of a Gentleman of the 1990s. 

When it comes to a modern lady’s pleasure, your ability to dine skillfully between her thighs rates right up there with love and loyalty. Many women only experience orgasms through oral sex, or as the Latins call it, cunnilingus (from cunnus: meaning vulva, and lingus: meaning tongue), as this way, the clitoris and inner labia can be stimulated directly, yet gently, releasing a lady’s luscious vaginal "honey" and opening her up to pleasure. 

And you do want to open her up, of course, you want to get deep inside that delightful dish of heaven. I know you do. But you must be patient when practicing cunnilingus. A couple of laps and a peck on her inner thigh just won’t cut it. In conducting research for the newest volume in my Video Encyclopedia of Sex & Fetish, "Luscious Cunnilingus," I found women’s most common complaint to be that guys simply don’t spend enough time "goin’ downtown," and ladies need more stimulation and lubrication before penetration. 

Jackie, one of my sex therapy clients, was constantly frustrated because her husband didn’t lick her for more than a few seconds before he was climbing on top to enter her. I suggested she switch positions and sit on his face. Now she won’t let him get up until she’s good and ready! Of course, not every lady is bold enough for face-sitting. If your partner prefers to lie back and receive cunnilingus, it’s up to you to keep on lappin’ for as long as she needs, before you and Sir Dick storm the barricades. Remember: the vulva is the door to her pleasure, and the clitoris is the doorbell. A gentleman doesn’t forget to ring a lady’s doorbell before he enters her pleasure palace.

Cunnilingus is an ancient art. Our close evolutionary cousins, the bonobo chimpanzees, practice it with great relish, so we can be pretty sure that the earliest humans did too. One of history’s most flamboyant human recipients was the notorious Empress Wu Hu, who ruled China during the T’ang Dynasty, and decreed that all visiting dignitaries pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing cunnilingus upon her royal puss. Old paintings depict Wu Hu holding her big robe open, as some nobleman kneels before her, lavishly applying his lips to the imperial pleasure palace between her legs. Maybe that’s where we got the expression "sucking up to royalty."

Though we have nicer ways to describe cunnilingus--pussy-pie gastronomie, deep sea muff-diving, yodeling up her yoni, eating at the Y, petting the kitty with your tongue, lapping up puss pudding, sipping creme de la cunt—ooh la la. It makes the mouth water. Which is good. As in real estate where the three main factors are location, location, location, so in cunnilingus, the three main factors are lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. Take it from a real man, baseball coach Phil Garner: "You got to do to women like you do to tobacco. You let it work up to a good chew, get it moist and juicy. If you chew too fast, it’ll dry up and fall apart." The wetter the clitoris, the more excited it is, and the more vigorously you can devour it. Do not try to greedily gobble a dry clit, or you might get hit!

After patience and lubrication, the most vital element to luscious cunnilingus is enthusiasm. In other words, act like you’re enjoying it. This is so the lady doesn’t think you’re doing her a favor, making her feel guilt and pressure, the enemies of pleasure. Now, the easiest way to act like you’re enjoying it is to really enjoy it. It’s best if you love it naturally, which many people do. Otherwise, you have to learn to love it. Remember how you "developed a taste" for certain vegetables as you matured? Well, it’s time to develop a taste for something carnal--pussy! It may be sweet and sour, musky and flowery, or fishy and salty. Like fine French cuisine, when prepared correctly, it’s always saucy. 

So, prepare the sauce! Lubricate your lips, stretch out your tongue, lick, lap, and love it! Then, when she’s ready, let your tongue dive in between her labia, down into her heated pool, her warm and salty sea. If you love it, you’ll get good at it. At least, you’ll have potential.

If you’re new at cunnilingus and you don’t have a partner, you can practice your technique by licking the palm of your hand. This may not be as much fun as when a hot mama sits on your face, but it’s a start. First, make sure your hand is clean, especially if you’ve been out working under the truck or fertilizing the lawn. Then, pretend your palm is a pussy, and give it a good licking. Notice how quickly the tip of your tongue can get dry. Got to work up that saliva. Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication! Also, you might find your tongue is kind of pointed, which is okay for certain moves around the tip and sides of the clitoris, but most ladies like a softer tongue on the underside of the clitoris where it tends to be most sensitive. So practice letting your tongue go soft, kind of like a panting dog. Don’t worry, you don’t have to bark or beg. Just lick! 

Now let’s go beyond the palm of your hand, and talk about the woman. She is a whole woman, so please don’t limit your oral sex efforts to the area between her labia. Lick, kiss, rub and caress her all over—her buns, thighs, breasts, the nape of her neck, her feet, ears, and of course, her lips—before your tongue finally settles into the lap of her lusciousness. Most ladies love to be teased, gradually seduced into opening their legs to your mouth. That said, there will also be times when both you and she will want your mouth on her vulva right away without delay. Try gently spreading her labia with your fingers, giving your mouth intimate access to her inner lips. Try other moves, like pushing up her mound of Venus or the mons pubis, or holding her clitoris between your fingers and giving it a nice wet kiss.

Different women have different personal pleasure points that they want you to pay extra attention to. It’s up to you to find out how your particular woman loves to be loved. Don’t be ashamed to ask for instruction and follow it. Not that you must inquire formally. Just pay close attention to her responses. For example, if she sighs contentedly, arches her back, pushes her mound into your face or gasps, "Yes!" you know you’re doing something right. 

If your lady likes a lot of oral, you might have to rest your tongue every so often and use your fingers, or you may develop tongue cramps. I call this "Carpal Tongue-al Syndrome." It tends to set in just around the time she’s saying, "That’s it--don’t stop!" To give your tongue a break between licks, try sliding your finger inside just up to the first knuckle, then the second knuckle, then a second finger. Maybe three fingers. Check her responses. Feel her wet, spongy vaginal walls pulsating with pleasure. Now, you’re ready to go G-spot hunting! Inside, move your finger in a "come hither" gesture. When your finger curls up and back toward you, you’ll feel an area against the back of her pubic bone, a spongy, sort of corrugated, soft bump under the roof of her vaginal cave. That’s her G-spot (named after Dr. Ernest Grafenburg who claimed to have discovered it), also called the Goddess Spot. Stroke it gently. Try rubbing, tapping, pressing, vibrating, swirling. Now go deeper, maybe faster, maybe harder, as you suck her clitoris. Tongue or finger her ass if you like; she might like it too, especially if you’ve found her G-spot. But be forewarned: Touching her G-spot may hurt her, it may tickle, it may feel weird or wonderful. It may make her orgasm. It make even make her ejaculate. Don’t even go near it unless she’s very wet. And when you do touch it, you must be ready to deal with whatever it releases. 

Anytime you give a lady any kind of cunnilingus, you must be responsive to her needs. When you give really good head, you are entering the Temple of the Goddess as her Servant, her humble, resourceful, eager to please, wetback, asslickin’, clitsuckin’ servant. And you become the Master of her Orgasm.

Dr. Susan Block is a practicing sex therapist, star of Radio Sex TV on HBO, author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure, and director of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences in Beverly Hills, California. She can be reached at (213) 883-1950. Her new video series, Dr. Susan Block’s Encyclopedia of Sex & Fetish (including Luscious Cunnilingus) is available in fine video stores or by mail-order.

Scenes from "Luscious Cunnilingus"

 PUBLISHED: SEPTEMBER 11, 1998
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