by Dr. Susan Block
|Dr. Susan Block
The Five Main Virtues of the Medieval Gentleman, qualities that he cultivated to win the heart of his Lady, were: 1) Temperance, 2) Courage, 3) Love, 4) Loyalty, and 5) Courtesy. Add being good at giving head, and you have the Six Main Virtues of a Gentleman of the 1990s.
When it comes to a modern ladyís pleasure, your ability to dine skillfully between her thighs rates right up there with love and loyalty. Many women only experience orgasms through oral sex, or as the Latins call it, cunnilingus (from cunnus: meaning vulva, and lingus: meaning tongue), as this way, the clitoris and inner labia can be stimulated directly, yet gently, releasing a ladyís luscious vaginal "honey" and opening her up to pleasure.
And you do want to open her up, of course, you want to get deep inside that delightful dish of heaven. I know you do. But you must be patient when practicing cunnilingus. A couple of laps and a peck on her inner thigh just wonít cut it. In conducting research for the newest volume in my Video Encyclopedia of Sex & Fetish, "Luscious Cunnilingus," I found womenís most common complaint to be that guys simply donít spend enough time "goiní downtown," and ladies need more stimulation and lubrication before penetration.
Jackie, one of my sex therapy clients, was constantly frustrated because her husband didnít lick her for more than a few seconds before he was climbing on top to enter her. I suggested she switch positions and sit on his face. Now she wonít let him get up until sheís good and ready! Of course, not every lady is bold enough for face-sitting. If your partner prefers to lie back and receive cunnilingus, itís up to you to keep on lappiní for as long as she needs, before you and Sir Dick storm the barricades. Remember: the vulva is the door to her pleasure, and the clitoris is the doorbell. A gentleman doesnít forget to ring a ladyís doorbell before he enters her pleasure palace.
Cunnilingus is an ancient art. Our close evolutionary cousins, the bonobo chimpanzees, practice it with great relish, so we can be pretty sure that the earliest humans did too. One of historyís most flamboyant human recipients was the notorious Empress Wu Hu, who ruled China during the Tíang Dynasty, and decreed that all visiting dignitaries pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing cunnilingus upon her royal puss. Old paintings depict Wu Hu holding her big robe open, as some nobleman kneels before her, lavishly applying his lips to the imperial pleasure palace between her legs. Maybe thatís where we got the expression "sucking up to royalty."
Though we have nicer ways to describe cunnilingus--pussy-pie gastronomie, deep sea muff-diving, yodeling up her yoni, eating at the Y, petting the kitty with your tongue, lapping up puss pudding, sipping creme de la cuntóooh la la. It makes the mouth water. Which is good. As in real estate where the three main factors are location, location, location, so in cunnilingus, the three main factors are lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. Take it from a real man, baseball coach Phil Garner: "You got to do to women like you do to tobacco. You let it work up to a good chew, get it moist and juicy. If you chew too fast, itíll dry up and fall apart." The wetter the clitoris, the more excited it is, and the more vigorously you can devour it. Do not try to greedily gobble a dry clit, or you might get hit!
After patience and lubrication, the most vital element to luscious cunnilingus is enthusiasm. In other words, act like youíre enjoying it. This is so the lady doesnít think youíre doing her a favor, making her feel guilt and pressure, the enemies of pleasure. Now, the easiest way to act like youíre enjoying it is to really enjoy it. Itís best if you love it naturally, which many people do. Otherwise, you have to learn to love it. Remember how you "developed a taste" for certain vegetables as you matured? Well, itís time to develop a taste for something carnal--pussy! It may be sweet and sour, musky and flowery, or fishy and salty. Like fine French cuisine, when prepared correctly, itís always saucy.
So, prepare the sauce! Lubricate your lips, stretch out your tongue, lick, lap, and love it! Then, when sheís ready, let your tongue dive in between her labia, down into her heated pool, her warm and salty sea. If you love it, youíll get good at it. At least, youíll have potential.
If youíre new at cunnilingus and you donít have a partner, you can practice your technique by licking the palm of your hand. This may not be as much fun as when a hot mama sits on your face, but itís a start. First, make sure your hand is clean, especially if youíve been out working under the truck or fertilizing the lawn. Then, pretend your palm is a pussy, and give it a good licking. Notice how quickly the tip of your tongue can get dry. Got to work up that saliva. Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication! Also, you might find your tongue is kind of pointed, which is okay for certain moves around the tip and sides of the clitoris, but most ladies like a softer tongue on the underside of the clitoris where it tends to be most sensitive. So practice letting your tongue go soft, kind of like a panting dog. Donít worry, you donít have to bark or beg. Just lick!
Now letís go beyond the palm of your hand, and talk about the woman. She is a whole woman, so please donít limit your oral sex efforts to the area between her labia. Lick, kiss, rub and caress her all overóher buns, thighs, breasts, the nape of her neck, her feet, ears, and of course, her lipsóbefore your tongue finally settles into the lap of her lusciousness. Most ladies love to be teased, gradually seduced into opening their legs to your mouth. That said, there will also be times when both you and she will want your mouth on her vulva right away without delay. Try gently spreading her labia with your fingers, giving your mouth intimate access to her inner lips. Try other moves, like pushing up her mound of Venus or the mons pubis, or holding her clitoris between your fingers and giving it a nice wet kiss.
Different women have different personal pleasure points that they want you to pay extra attention to. Itís up to you to find out how your particular woman loves to be loved. Donít be ashamed to ask for instruction and follow it. Not that you must inquire formally. Just pay close attention to her responses. For example, if she sighs contentedly, arches her back, pushes her mound into your face or gasps, "Yes!" you know youíre doing something right.
If your lady likes a lot of oral, you might have to rest your tongue every so often and use your fingers, or you may develop tongue cramps. I call this "Carpal Tongue-al Syndrome." It tends to set in just around the time sheís saying, "Thatís it--donít stop!" To give your tongue a break between licks, try sliding your finger inside just up to the first knuckle, then the second knuckle, then a second finger. Maybe three fingers. Check her responses. Feel her wet, spongy vaginal walls pulsating with pleasure. Now, youíre ready to go G-spot hunting! Inside, move your finger in a "come hither" gesture. When your finger curls up and back toward you, youíll feel an area against the back of her pubic bone, a spongy, sort of corrugated, soft bump under the roof of her vaginal cave. Thatís her G-spot (named after Dr. Ernest Grafenburg who claimed to have discovered it), also called the Goddess Spot. Stroke it gently. Try rubbing, tapping, pressing, vibrating, swirling. Now go deeper, maybe faster, maybe harder, as you suck her clitoris. Tongue or finger her ass if you like; she might like it too, especially if youíve found her G-spot. But be forewarned: Touching her G-spot may hurt her, it may tickle, it may feel weird or wonderful. It may make her orgasm. It make even make her ejaculate. Donít even go near it unless sheís very wet. And when you do touch it, you must be ready to deal with whatever it releases.
Anytime you give a lady any kind of cunnilingus, you must be responsive to her needs. When you give really good head, you are entering the Temple of the Goddess as her Servant, her humble, resourceful, eager to please, wetback, asslickiní, clitsuckiní servant. And you become the Master of her Orgasm.
Dr. Susan Block is a practicing sex therapist, star of Radio Sex TV on HBO, author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure, and director of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences in Beverly Hills, California. She can be reached at (213) 883-1950. Her new video series, Dr. Susan Blockís Encyclopedia of Sex & Fetish (including Luscious Cunnilingus) is available in fine video stores or by mail-order.