Our Assholes Belong to
by Dr. Susan
"Dr. Suzy Double Doggie"
a miracle, Brothers and Sisters! A miracle long overdue wrapped up in a Love
Supreme. That is, the United States Supreme Court issued a number of just
and liberating decrees in the last week of June before the 2003 summer break,
but the most prominent was the Lawrence vs. Texas ruling that sodomy
between consenting adults--straight or gay--cannot be prosecuted as a crime.
So sing: Hallelujah! Our assholes belong to us! Our assholes do not belong
to the state! Can I hear an amen? Can I hear an awomen? Let sexual
freedom ring all over this land
what exactly is sodomy?" you may well ask, Brothers and Sisters, though
surely you know from Bible study that it has something to do with Sodom, sister
city of Gomorrah, both of which got burnt to a freedom-fried crisp by a very
jealous God as its citizens were enjoying, well, sodomy. Since the
Bible (at least the PG-rated version) doesn't out-and-out describe an act
of sodomy, Bible-thumpers are free to give it a variety of colorful, fear-provoking
the word is used to mean "gay sex," since the citizens of Sodom,
or Sodomites, were mainly these guys who wanted to have sex with these other
guys who were actually angels. The guy-angels were visiting Abraham's brother
Lot, just having a cup of tea and chatting about the impending Armeggedon,
when a gang of rowdy Sodomites started banging on Lot's door demanding to
"know" his guests, and we all know what "knowledge" meant
in those days.
considers Lot to be a good guy, the only "righteous" man in Sodom
actually, because he will not allow the Sodomites to sodomize his guests,
the angels. Fair enough; nobody should be sodomized nonconsensually, not even
angels. But how does Lot try to stop the rabid crowd? By offering up his two
"virgin daughters" for them to sodomize instead! Moreover, the story
of "Sodom and Gomorrah" ends with Lot's daughters getting to "know"
their father and both getting pregnant by him! This same Daddy Lot is the
one "righteous" man God rescues from the burning cities. Well, that's
the Bible for you.
"Lot and His Daughters"..............................
to Sodom. Though the Sodomites did not sodomize Lot's daughters (they preferred
the angels), they could have, because technically, sodomy is any kind
of sexual intercourse that is not penis-in-vagina. That includes oral sex,
anal sex, or sticking it in your ear, if you are so inclined. Or sitting on
a flagpole, as Justice Antonin Scalia seems to enjoy fantasizing about.
the weird Biblical connotations of the word, many (probably even most) adults
in America practice or have practiced sodomy. I mean, we're talking about
regular oral and anal sex here! Up until last week, if you committed any kind
of sodomy in certain states--like Texas, Oklahoma, Florida, Utah, Louisiana,
Virginia, Alabama and Kansas--whether you were a dude doing another dude from
behind, or a chick fingering another chick, or a woman going down on her husband,
all of which would be consider sodomy--you could be arrested and thrown into
Sodomy en la Musée
de L'erotisme en Paris
you wouldn't get arrested, because probably you wouldn't get caught.
But if some cops felt like breaking down your bedroom door or if a neighbor
wanted to mess with you (like they did with John Geddes Lawrence and Tyron
Garner, the couple in Lawrence vs. Texas), you could be busted just
for having anal or oral sex with a fellow consenting adult. Thirteen states
had this on the books. And now they have to take it off the books. And hallelujah
to that, Brothers and Sisters! God and Goddess bless the Supremes!
not everyone is celebrating. Shortly after the ruling was made, century-old
Senator Strom Thurmond (R-SC) actually dropped dead, and one can't help but
hope the venerable old bigot knew that Lawrence and Garner were not only gay,
but an interracial couple. Also following the ruling, rabidly sex-phobic Senator
Rick Santorum (R-PA) could be seen weeping and rubbing his butt in the Senate
steam room, as fellow professional
homophobe and director of the Pro Family Law Center Scott Lively sobbed "Apparently
they have gone the whole route and fully legitimized sodomy in America. This
is going to have terrible consequences for our nation."
Brother Lively, terrible consequences for you and your Brothers and Sisters-in-Sanctimony
(though it does give you a *sexy* excuse for extra fundraising), and liberating
consequences for freedom-lovers every where! Step lively, Brother Lively,
this ruling could lead to decriminalizing all sorts of things we do consensually
in our private lives
had something to say about the ruling. Ayatollah
Asscraft didn't say a word. Maybe he's actually happy about it, because
he thinks this makes it legal for him to continue fucking Americans in the
ass with his Patriot
Act(s). Also, no comment was issued by The
Great Pretzel Swallower himself, George W. Bush. Though Dubya owes his
presidential life to the Supremes, he's too busy looking for Weapons of Mass
Destruction to talk about Weapons of Ass Destruction right this second
The Supremes have ruled! Ethical
hedonists everywhere, proud to be Americans, are celebrating a miracle
that's long overdue. It's good for gays, of course, so often threatened with
discrimination based on these decrepit mean-spirited laws. But it's great
for all of us--straight, gay, bi or into flagpoles--who value freedom from
government intrusion into our consensual sex lives. Praise be to the power
of the Sun, the Moon and the planet Uranus! Our assholes belong to us.
"Lost a Contact Lens?"...........................................
Read "A Love
to "A Love Supreme"
your article re sodomy
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 08:46:14 -0400
From: "Cyndi Lenz" <email@example.com>
thank you- not only did your point come across, but I think I wet myself
laughing and when I came to the part about Strom dropping dead- unfortunately
I was drinking my coffee and it came right up through my nose. brilliant!!!
LOVED YOUR SUPREMES ARTICLE
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 14:55:09 -0500
From: "Pat Belit" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Thanks...it made my day! Patricia
Great Piece in Counterpunch
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 11:19:58 -0400
From: "Jack" <email@example.com>
I enjoyed your
column in Counterpunch this morning. It takes courage to write such a piece
in light of the Ashcroft era's fascist shadow. Hope you don't get emails
from right wing zanies over it, as I am now getting after an antiwar piece
I did on Bush. The first thousand emails I got were all positive and supportive,
to my amazement, but the slow-witted hardcore Bush supporters are now zapping
me with hate mail owing to
this: http://www.liberalslant.com/jb062803.htm --Jack Balkwill
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 10:14:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: Scott Loughrey <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Hi Dr. Block, I'm a fan of your writing that appears on
www.Counterpunch.org. (I've never encountered someone who could combine
erotica with sharp political analysis before.) Do you have your own listserv?
If so, I'd love to be on it. Cheers, Scott Loughrey
A Love Supreme
Date: Sat, 5 Jul 2003 07:52:48 -0500
From: "John Winkler" <email@example.com>
Dr. Susan Block. I have read your article and must conclude the fact that
you are an extremely warped person. John
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 13:44:28 -0500
From: "L.McMillan" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Hi Dr Susan, - Your article was great and I'm still smiling. Now if we can
just get you-know-who and his jack-boots back to the country club in '04!
Thanks , Miles in Texas
Today's Counterpunch item
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 13:07:20 -0700
From: Ben Tripp <email@example.com>
Ma'am, I was going to write just such a hallelujah on the subject of sodomy,
but you have put your finger on the very nub of the matter, if I may put
it that way. Penetrating insight. A hole in one, at least. I'll start again.
Thanks for a fine and funny summation of the issue, and while you were at
it, the best epitaph for Strom I have yet seen. Yr Obt Svt Ben Tripp
our assholes belong to us 'uns
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 14:04:42 -0800 (GMT)
From: David Vest <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To: "Dr. Susan Block" <email@example.com>
Our moufs, too, hallelu.
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:43:56 -0400
From: "Charles Daringer" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
I PDF'd the essay and now I own it! Excellent work! It
would have taken genuine alchemy to have written it!
Thank you Dr Block !
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 22:37:37 +0200
From: Sandrine Ageorges <email@example.com>
This is a big "Thank You" from Europe for your piece "A love
Supreme". I hadn't laughed that much over an article for a long time
and it is good to be able to laugh over some of the most worrying aspects
of American society... Would America actually be taking a real step from
the middle ages ?? We wonder but we certainly hope so ! It's never too late.
Thanks again. Sandrine
Re: here's something you might like to put on counterpunch.
Date: Mon, 30 Jun 2003 20:18:13 -0700
From: "Jeffrey St. Clair" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To: "Dr. Susan Block" <email@example.com>, Alexander
yes. this is the
kind of "user-friendly" legal commentary that separates CounterPunch
from outposts like findlaw and legal times! jsc
A Love Supreme
Date: Mon, 30 Jun 2003 23:31:58 -0400
From: SJCDC <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To: "Dr. Susan Block" <email@example.com>
This is a masterpiece! I shall send the radio flock to this on the next
show. In deepest appreciation for all you do to make this a saner, sexier
world. And congratulations again on your victory over the Hollywood Taliban.Love,
all the hot
stuff you won't
see on TV!