Dr. Susan Block's
Dr. Laura Diaries (continued)

March 15, 1997

Wherein Dr. Laura Collapses
into a Puddle of Self-Pity,
Cut Down by the Sword of Her Own Hubris
and the Strong, Quirky Power
of the Block Curse

The Ides of March are upon us, the chicks have come home to roost, and the Block Curse has driven Dr. Laura into a virtual nervous breakdown. Al would be proud of me. The Block Curse has just knocked The Queen of Moralizing Mean off her phony, self- righteous perch.

The Queen of Moralizing Mean

Well, Dr. L., I warned you: You picked the wrong woman to bash. You did not apologize, and now you have been cut down in all your trumped-up glory--cut down by the sharp sword of your own hubris. And just like other meaningful, catastrophic events, it happened...in Dallas. Gosh, I know that gloating is unladylike. But screw it! Here's the story (as it appeared in the LA Times, as well as all over the TV news alongside some very unflattering clips of poor poor Dr. L.):

Therapy Session: Laura Schlessinger, the syndicated radio therapist who hosts KFI- AM's noon-to-2 p.m. slot, apparently ruffled more than a few feathers on a recent trip to address the women of the Jewish Federation of Greater Dallas. According to the Dallas Morning News, Schlessinger offended her hosts by rejecting the first three hotel rooms offered her and also rejecting a host's ride to the event, instead hailing several cabs before finding one she deeded acceptable. She reportedly also was cold to event sponsors, left behind gifts they had given her and made "nasty, arrogant and insulting" remarks in her speech. The newspaper said Schlessinger, an Orthodox Jew, turned down the rooms and rides because of allergies. Responding to the reports this week, Schlessinger--who on her program scolds the weak and self-pitying--cried on the air as she discussed having a "personal and spiritual crisis." She told listeners the stories had shaken her "so personally and profoundly" that she spent t wo hours on the phone with her rabbi and donated her $30,000 speaking fee to charity to counteract "the pain and ugliness of the experience." She refused further comment to reporters.

Maybe she'll learn a little lesson in humility from all this. I doubt it though. She's probably too busy feeling sorry for herself to learn anything from this incident.

And why the hell doesn't she send the 30 grand back to the women she insulted, instead of donating it to a charity of her choice and getting a tax write-off? The bitch is not just mean, she's greedy.
 

Wherein the Block Curse Pits
Dr. Laura and Dr. Toni,
the Sadistic Basher and the Elegant Liar,
Against Each Other, and the Fun Continues...

The Block Curse has pounded Dr. Laura into a blubbering, self-pitying pulp, but it's not through with her, not by any means. Not until she apologizes, which she shows no sign of doing. So now the Block Curse is going to make her cherished ratings go down into the toilet. To help me with that job, I'm bringing in my old friend, collaborator, pioneer radio psychologist and borderline psychotic, pathological liar Dr. Toni Grant.
 

Dr. Toni and I relax between writing sessions.  Photo take by a fellow passenger on Princess Cruise Lines.  Reproduced courtesy of The Brentwood Bla Bla.

As you know, Dear Diary, Toni tried to deny my existence back in 1988 when, after I finished writing her best-selling book Being a Woman, she refused to put my name on the cover under hers--even though all of her friends and mine, not to mention the publisher (Random House), knew full well I'd written her book! That's how she introduced me to people (up until the book was published): "This is Susan Block, she's writing my book." It took me two years to write the damn thing--longer than my other two books, and she strung me along, making me think she'd give me cover credit. Then when I handed in the last chapter, boom! Not only no cover credit, but she acted like she didn't know me, didn't even invite me to the book party (I went anyway, with a journalist friend who introduced me to Mitchell Fink who wrote five columns in the Herald-Examiner about the Great Dr. Toni Grant Book Cover-Up).

I liked Toni (I still have a soft spot in my heart for her, brazen little liar that she is), and I realized my own trusting naivete contributed to the situation, but I couldn't let her go uncursed for her sins against me! Of course, the Block Curse was too young and untried to defeat someone as powerful as Dr. Toni Grant without help. So I engaged the assistance of the Goldstein Curse and walloped the knickers off her. See, Al Goldstein used to date Toni--even screwed her on the pool table of the Playboy Mansion! Toni, who was in the process of nabbing a rich new husband, lied about dating Al, just like she lied about writing her book without me. Mitchell Fink put the story and the lie in his columns, along with the columns about my writing her book and her denying it. Mitch was a ruthless gossip, Goddess bless him; now he's writing for People.

Then Al discussed our book and his "secret" love affair with Toni on the Tom Leykis show on KFI (Toni's station). Toni's show came on next! Tom told me that Toni ran into the program director's office and demanded that Tom be fired or she'd quit. The program director told her to go ahead and quit. She was caught! She had to quit.

Then, to add insult to her injured ego, Toni had to leave LA to go off with her brand new, exceedingly rich, exceedingly boring little husband to Dallas (that city must be under somebody's curse), which utterly humiliated and devastated her (though all her new hubby's moolah must have been somewhat comforting). She's been off the airwaves about eight years now, banished from Hollywood, sentenced to work in some useless job in her boring little husband's boring big company. All because of the combined impact of the Block/Goldstein Curse.

But at this point, after all these years, I've decided that Dr. Toni has suffered enough (maybe...), and besides I need her now in my battle with Dr. Laura, a much greater menace to society and far more of an anti-sex maniac. Toni's actually a real sexpot and a size queen, which must make life with her very little hubby even drearier.

So I've lifted the Block Curse, enabling Toni to get back on the air in LA, on KTZN just opposite Dr. Laura. With the twisted help of the Block Curse, she will put a dent into Dr. Laura's ratings that the Queen of Moralizing Mean will never recover from. Maybe then she'll apologize. Maybe both will. Though I doubt either has the grace or good sense to do so. Oh well. We'll see. Meanwhile, the fun continues....
 

May 8, 1998

Wherein Dr. Toni Fails to
Dent the Dr. Laura Machine,
But Others Pick Up the Fight,
While Dr. L Declares Herself to be a
"PROPHET" and Commands a
Woman Whose Husband had Cybersex to "Throw Away the Computer!"

It’s been  over a year since my last entry in these now notorious Dr. Laura Diaries.  And although I do love dishing in you, dear Diary, I must say I haven’t missed thinking about Dr. Laura.  I didn’t even record that poor Dr. Toni lost her ratings battle with the formidable Mean Queen.  I guess I was a little depressed about that obvious defeat on the airwave battlefield.  Toni’s just too gracious for the 90’s radio wars.
 
No, I shouldn’t have expected poor, sheltered, well-mannered, out-of-practice, semi-psychotic little Toni to win my bare-knuckled catfight with the ferocious Empress of Noxiousness.  The Block Curse cannot count on just one other radio shrink to take this media virus of a woman down.
 
Fortunately, I have assistance from other sources. I’ve been getting encouragement from many of our readers, dear Diary.  Got a wonderful call of support from journalist Janet Wiscombe who wrote a marvelous anti-Laura piece in the LA Times Magazine.  The funniest, but also most frightening part of the article is where Laura says she’s not a therapist, she’s a “prophet.”  Move over, Jeremiah!  Next she’ll be performing miracles for the faithful in front of the Wailing Wall.  More likely down at Sea World.
 
Ms. Wiscombe told me she loved you, dear Diary.  Not that I was surprised, just gratified.  I get lots of great letters & e-mails in response to you, like one from Coert Olmstead in Fairbanks, Alaska that says, “Dr. L. is a dangerous propagandist and discrediting her is an important task for progressive activists.”   It’s like getting messages from fellow resistance fighters in the dark days of some despotic regime.  After all, Dr. Laura’s on almost 500 stations now, crusading with a vengeance across North America, slicing up decent people everywhere, with the sharp, bloody blade of her meanness.
 
But generally, over the past year, I’ve managed to avoid Dr. L, haven’t thought about her much, haven’t listened to her show at all.  Frankly, I’ve been busy cultivating pleasure (see the rest of my website), and just thinking about Dr. Laura is such a pain.
 
However, I couldn’t avoid her the other night when CBS flashed on  the tube, and there she was, all gussied up in firesale red, with Tom Snyder, promoting her new book The 10 Commandments: What’s In It For Me?  How about that title?  Of course, she’d deny that she got the idea for it from my 1996 book The 10 Commandments of Pleasure (she’d probably say it came to her ontop the Matterhorn at Disneyland).  As Janet Wiscombe’s article reveals, Dr. L. has used the $70-something million she got from the sale of her show to set up housekeeping in the state of denial.
 

But first, before I address the content of her appearance, I must pay my compliments to her plastic surgeon.  Much better!  Making her look less like a dried apricot and more like a startled gibbon is probably a good career move.  After all, a prophet has to look smooth and beaming, not harsh and desiccating.

Dr. L's Startled Gibbon Look

Yet, though her skin is a bit smoother and her mouth is a bit softer now, what came out of her mouth was such ludicrous, erotophobic, technophobic garbage that, well, I had to sit down and inscribe another entry into you, dear Diary.
 
So, onto content:  A woman called in to say her husband had had cybersex.  Dr. Laura immediately told her to throw away the computer.  The woman hastened to add that her husband had apologized and stopped having cybersex; it was just that she was hoping Dr. Laura could suggest something to prevent him from starting again.. With a bit more volume and considerably more testiness, Dr. Laura repeated, “Throw away the computer!”
 
I was astounded.  This was akin to advising a woman whose husband went to a strip club to throw away the family car.  The woman caller was almost as shocked as I was.  She stammered about how they used the computer for other things. Tom Snyder  made a few sheepish noises of protestation.   But Dr. Laura was adamant, absolutely ayatollah-like.  “Throw away the computer!”   The prophet had spoken.
 
I could only stomach a few minutes of this, but those few minutes of pure, poisonous Dr. Laura reinvigorated my vow to help bring down this virulent, noodlebrained “prophet” whose megalomania is only surpassed by her thoughtlessness.  One way or the other, the Block Curse will prevail, and the true wickedness of the “prophet” will be exposed…  

continue to

Wherein the Block Curse is Joined by the Vanity Fair Curse
And Dr. Laura is Exposed as Not Just the Queen of Mean,
But the Biggest, Tackiest Hypocrite of the Modern Age