The following are a few tasty little tidbits from my new book
The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. I won’t lie to you--the purpose of printing the excerpts is to entice you into buying the book. But if you can’t afford it, you can just read this and other excerpts we print in the next few issues of this Journal--I’ll never know and you’ll still be able to take part in all those hot conversations everybody’s now having about the book...Since being censored on AOL for discussing “genitalia” is still fresh in my mind, I chose the second two excerpts because they focus on those two marvelous, much-maligned parts of male and female anatomy. The first excerpt is about my favorite critter, The Dr. Susan Block Institute mascot, and the inspiration for my
10 Commandments of Pleasure: the bonobo.A Prescription for Pleasure
(pages xix-xx)
The Bonobo WayDeep in the soul of the hot, wet swamps of Zaire, there is a tribe. It is here, in their wild, erotic Garden of Eden, that our closest cousins, the bonobos, live and share a powerful kind of pleasure, and make an extraordinary kind of love.
Bonobos, also called pygmy chimpanzees (Pan paniscus), are as close to human as primates can get. They have longer legs than common chimps, more open faces with higher foreheads and other characteristics that place them closer in appearance to humans. The genitals of bonobo females are rotated forward like those of human females, so that they can have face-to-face sex rather than just “doggie style,” with the male mounting from behind like most other primates. Basically, bonobos can do “it” in almost as many positions as we can, and they do do it--a lot.
Bonobos have some kind of sex almost every day. Females are in heat for three-quarters of their cycle, and many of them copulate even when not in heat, a sexual pattern more like human females than that of any other mammal. Though common chimpanzees only have sex to reproduce, bonobos share all kinds of sexual pleasures, including cunnilingus, fellatio, masturbation, massage, bisexuality, body-licking, sex in different positions, group sex, and lots of long, deep, wet, soulful, French kissing. Like tantric sex practitioners, or just like two people very much in love, copulating bonobos often look deeply into each other’s eyes. Such loving passion, such sexual dexterity, such clever, horny playfulness is found nowhere else on earth except among humans.
But that’s not all that makes our kissin’ cousins, the bonobos, so worthy of our attention. It’s not just how they have sex, but how they use sex--to ease stress, to maintain relationships, as a form of commercial exchange (e.g., I’ll give you a kiss if you give me a banana), and to reduce violent conflict.
Scientific observation has revealed that social interactions among bonobos are far less hostile than among common chimps. That’s not to say bonobos never fight--they just do so a lot less--and unlike common chimps (and humans), bonobos have never been observed deliberately killing members of their own species. Also, unlike common chimps, their social organization is not male dominated; females play important social roles. Among bonobos observed in the wild and in captivity, sex and mutual pleasure are keys to keeping the peace, reinforcing social relations based upon the give and take of sensual, erotic pleasure rather than on pain and force and fear (guess all that good sex just cools them out!).
“The Bonobo Way” is a very simple philosophy (after all, these aren’t geniuses, darling, they’re chimpanzees!) that we all know deep in our bones, but that we seem to forget in the midst of our busy, lonely, fearful, stressful, polluted, violent lives:
Pleasure Eases Pain * Good Sex Diffuses Tension * Love Lessens Violence And You Can’t Very Well Fight a War While You’re Having an Orgasm.The “commandments” in this book are my way of applying the principles of The Bonobo Way to the far more complex, civilized lives of human ladies and gentlemen. They support the repression of violence and the free, exuberant, erotic, raunchy, loving, peaceful, consensual expression of pleasure. They will teach you not only to find the pleasures in your life, but to share them with your “primemate,”1 your beautiful bonobo partner-in-love...
1I created the term primemate, based on a combination of the words prime and mate, and a play on the word primate. I use it throughout the book to mean "lover" or "partner", "husband" or "wife." Basically, your primemate is your prime mate (usually your only mate, though not necessarily.
Thou Shalt Have Foreplay
(pages 62-65)
....Baseball player Phil Garner put it like this, “You have to do to tobacco like you do to women. You let it work up to a good chew, let it get moist and juicy. If you chew too fast, it will become dry and fall apart.” You might want to keep a glass of water nearby to wet your whistle. Ice is also fun. Roll a piece around in your mouth, then lick and suck away. Turns cunnilingus into sipping a cooool drink--a vaginal Slurpee!
Go on, slurp her up, dive into her ocean, swim through her warm, thick currents and make your way home.
The center of a lady’s pleasure is her clitoris, little Miss Clitty, the precious pearl of her luscious oyster, that cute Little Red Riding Hood centrally located towards the top of the vulva just over the entrance to the vagina (hey, lots of guys and some women don't know where the clitoris is, so I thought I’d get a little geography in here).
Lick it, flick it, suck it, finger it, tap it, stroke it, spank it lightly, play with it, feel how it grows between your lips or against your fingertips, try new things with it, and vary your tongue and finger movements, always paying very close attention to her particular responses. These responses are signals that tell you how she likes what you’re doing. For instance, if her legs open up or her tummy distends or her back arches, pushing her vulva toward your mouth, or if she moans “yes! yes! yes!”, you know you’re doing something right. Pay attention to her breathing; it should set the rhythm of your tongue movement. When in doubt, just ask what she likes, as in “Do you like that? (lick, lap, slurp)...How about like this? (lap, lap, suck, nibble)”, though if she’s enjoying it, don’t be surprised if she squeezes her thighs around your head and hisses, “Ooohhhhh...Just shut up and suck!”
Remember, every lady is different. Some like direct clitoral stimulation, some prefer you to focus your licking just above, below or to the side of her clitoris. Most prefer that you lick first, slowly lapping up and down, not quite licking her clit or her anus or penetrating her labia, then suck, then nibble. When she’s already nice and juiced up, try holding her clit between two fingers and slurping her into ecstasy.
A lady’s clitoral desires tend to change with her mood and the time of month; be sensitive to that. Whatever you do, keep it wet. The wetter the clitoris is, the more aroused it is, and the more vigorously you can devour it. Do not try to greedily gobble a dry clit, or you may find yourself on the receiving end of a swift kick in the solar plexus. Remember, in real estate, it’s location, location, location. In female pleasure--lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.
Make her clit swell and strain for your tongue, make her vulva open up and “beg” for you to enter. Try holding your mouth still, letting her rub up against you. When you feel she’s ready, let your tongue dive in between her labia, down into her heated pool, her warm and salty sea. As you can see, you can do a lot to arouse her before entering her vagina with your tongue, let alone your fingers or penis.
Remember: the vulva is the door to her pleasure, and the clitoris is the doorbell.
A gentleman doesn’t forget to ring a lady’s doorbell before he enters her pleasure palace.
Empress Wu Hu, who ruled China during the T'ang Dynasty, had the right idea when she decreed that all government officials and visiting dignitaries must pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. Really, old paintings depict the beautiful, powerful empress standing and holding her ornate robe open, while a high official, nobleman, or diplomat is shown kneeling humbly before her, lavishly applying his lips and tongue to her royal netherparts...
Shouldn’t your lady be so honored by you, her noble man?
Remember: the distaff tends to be slower to arouse. A couple of laps and a peck on her inner thigh won’t cut it. Ladies often complain that guys simply don’t “go downtown” long enough to get their juices flowing, let alone bring them to a climax. Jackie, one of my sex therapy clients, was constantly frustrated because her husband didn’t lick her for more than a few seconds before he was climbing on top to enter her. I suggested she switch positions and sit on his face. Now she won’t let him get up until she’s good and ready!
Of course, not every lady is bold enough for face-sitting. If your lady prefers to lie back and receive cunnilingus, it’s up to you to keep lapping for as long as she needs. Eat your favorite food from between her legs if it helps you to stay down there long enough to give your lady pleasure! Seriously, try honey, chocolate mousse, whipped cream, soy sauce, champagne, guacamole--whatever turns on your taste buds and keeps you licking.
Remember how you “developed a taste” for certain vegetables when you were little? Well, if you haven’t already, it’s time for you to develop a taste for something carnal--pussy! It may be sweet and sour, musky and flowery, or fishy and salty. Like fine French cuisine, when prepared correctly, it’s always saucy....
Thou Shalt Adore His Penis
(pages 94-96)
Men love their own penises, and so should you. His penis is not just his greatest source of pleasure, it's his identity, his thrust into the future, his proudest possession, his best friend, his most powerful and most vulnerable body part. Adore it, adorn it, hold it, caress it, kiss it, lick it, suck it, praise it, play with it, tease it, torture it--gently2, of course. Talk to his penis (sometimes it may have more to “say” than he does!), develop a relationship with it, talk about it and how much you love it. Do this often. Several times daily is not too often.
Keep in mind that a man's penis is always outside his body, not hidden away like a woman's genitalia, so a guy tends to think about it a lot. He has to negotiate its position in his underwear, not to mention handle it every time he takes a whiz. When it gets hard, watch out! That thing moves and grows like Godzilla taking over downtown Tokyo! When it doesn't get hard, and it's "supposed" to get hard, it might as well be a flag flying at half mast for a deeply beloved dead hero.
No matter how monogamous you are, you will always share your man with “someone” he loves at least as much as you: his dick.
Try not to make him choose between you and his penis too often. That’s just asking for trouble.
All men don’t want the same things in life or in sex, but every man wants to have his penis touched. Men do like different types of touch; some like it soft and gentle, others rough and vigorous, some prefer the friction of dry touch, others want it wet and sensual. But all like direct touch.
When a gentleman’s penis is stroked, all of him is stroked. It’s his simplest, most basic, and one of his most essential pleasures. Touch it with your lips, your fingertips, your hands, your hair, your tongue, your tush, your nose, and your toes. Rub it between your breasts (that’s coitus a mammalia). Rub your wet labia against it. Welcome it into you. Sit on it, spread for it, bend over for it. Hug and squeeze it while it’s inside of you. Explore his other erogenous zones--the multiple pleasure points all over his body and in his mind. But you can never focus too much affectionate attention on a man's penis, even a sensitive man's.
Love it in sickness and in health, in hardness and in limpness.
Basically, the more harmoniously the three of you can live together, the happier all of you will be...
With gentlemen, it tends to be penis first. With ladies, it’s vagina last. This may be the crux of the conflict we call the “Battle of the Sexes.” The good news is that these apparently opposed approaches to sex can be quite compatible, as long as the male learns to arouse the female before penetrating her, and as long as the female learns to get to his dick as soon as possible. Yes, sometimes, you can even kiss his penis before you kiss his lips. I assure you, he won’t mind.
If you start by paying lots of loving attention to his penis, then, when he’s fully aroused, you can move on to his other body parts, intermittently returning to his main “member,” and gradually you will eroticize his entire body. “Like a woman,” he will become virtually orgasmic all over. Once his penis is hard, you can take a touch adventure all over his body. Like a happy doggie with a hard wagging “tail,” he’ll adore being petted and stroked all over....
2Unless he's a submissive masochist in which case, I suggest clothespins, rubber bands or other convenient household implements of torture.
